One theory of management motivation (from Maslow) identifies the human need for social interaction - for belonging – as the primary requirement after we have addressed our physical needs (food, rest) and safety needs (shelter, security). This means that after we have filled our stomachs and have a safe place to live, we start to look for social interaction. We long for friends, lovers, people to hang out with – a gathering where we feel we belong, we fit in, we feel safe, and we feel loved.
For many of us, our first area of social interaction is our family – spouse, children, parents, siblings. But for most of us, this isn’t enough. We expand our social network to include neighbours, co-workers, classmates, and friends. With technology, we can now expand that network to include people all over the world. Facebook now has over 500 million users – people who have logged on to connect with their “friends”. The phenomenal success of this website is due in part because it provides us with the sense that we belong to something bigger than ourselves. I think Facebook can be a great addition to our social network, but it definitely shouldn’t be the primary way we connect with people.
I think one of the reasons that the Harry Potter books became so popular is that many young people (and many adults – myself included) could relate to Harry’s desire to belong. His parents died when he was an infant, and he was sent to his aunt and uncle who reluctantly took him in. For the first decade of his life, Harry knew he didn’t really belong to that family, and his cousin Dudley made sure Harry didn’t fit in at school either. When Harry received his letter from Hogwarts, telling him he was special and had been accepted into a very special school, he finally could say he belonged somewhere. He soon discovered there was a place where he was accepted, where he could make friends, where people cared about him. Hogwarts became his new home.
As many young people grow up, they find it difficult to fit in – at school and sometimes at home. Too often, some of these young people find acceptance with groups of other young people who provide them with the “family” they want, but at a price. Ask any gang member why they joined, and they will tell you about being accepted, and becoming part of a family.
Science will tell us that the human desire to belong is an evolutionary trait – something that developed in us as a species to help us survive. The desire to belong is in part, the desire to ensure the survival of our species through procreation – we seek mates to have children with to pass our genes on to the next generation. There are also some practical aspects to belonging to a group – the tribes who could band together were less vulnerable to attacks from animals or rival tribes and the diversity of the group allows for some to be hunters, farmers, warriors, builders, or other specialties allowing for a greater chance of survival by becoming more efficient and effective than trying to do everything by oneself.
But I think our desire to belong is something much more special. It is one of the aspects given to us by our Creator when He made us “in His Image”. Our God is a God of community. He exists in three persons – Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. We can’t fully comprehend this relationship, but we can be sure there is a relationship. When Jesus walked among us, He spent time in prayer – in conversation with the Father. And His greatest fear, greatest pain? To be separated from, or “forsaken” by the Father. Consider what Jesus cried out on the cross “My God, my God. Why have you forsaken me?” Jesus didn’t dread the physical pain of crucifixion – He simply did not want to experience what it meant to be separated from the Father and the Spirit. Hell is the place where God is not present so the time Jesus spent there, was time when He was separated from God.
When God created us, His plan for us was to be in community with Him. After He created Adam, He noted that Adam needed a companion – someone like him that he could be in community with – so Eve was created. For a time, God was with Adam and Eve in a way we can’t quite understand, but it must have been wonderful. When sin entered the world, the result was the rupture of that close relationship with God. We tend to think of the expulsion from the Garden of Eden as something physical, but the breaking of that intimate relationship with God is the real story. The rest of history and the message of the Bible is the desire of both God and us to get back to that intimate relationship with our Creator, and the path created by Jesus when He paid our debt.
We need to recognize this universal desire of everyone to belong – to be in close relationships with others, but also to be reconciled with God. Many people don’t realize they have this inner longing to be in relationship with God – many will vehemently deny it. But that shouldn’t be the start of the conversation. We need to reach out to people where ever they are, and be willing to form a close friendship with them. And they need to be genuine relationships, not just a means to get them to “be saved”. We can let God take care of the saving part, we just need to be out there loving His people.
So what about you? Do you “want to belong”? What does it mean for you to belong to your family, your church, your small group, your group of friends? Have you ever had your “Hogwarts” moment – finding a group where you really fit in, where you felt you really belonged?
Jac
