When the going gets tough...

One comment about Elders came to me via this blog from someone outside our church. I decided to not publish the comment since it dealt with a specific personal issue, but it contained an important question. Basically, how does someone stop being an Elder (ie a resignation), and how does the church handle such a request? We discussed this in one of the shepherd fold meetings regarding the “life-long appointment” of Elders. In some circumstances, the process is easy and obvious. For example, an Elder may move to a different community for reasons related to employment, family, health, or retirement. Or a Pastor may accept a call to a different church. When this happens, it makes sense to “release” the Elder (or Pastor) from their appointment and give them our blessing in the next chapter of their life.

But what about when an Elder feels they can longer support the leadership of the church or disagrees with the direction the church is taking, and they wish to resign so they can attend a different church?

In this type of situation, the impact on the church body is more important than the impact on an individual (or as Spock put it in the movie “The Wrath of Khan” – ‘The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the one.’) What I mean by this is that whatever resolution the leadership comes to, it should not adversely impact the rest of the church body.

Science tells us that when faced with a confrontation, our animal instinct presents us with two options – fight or flight. So when faced with an issue in our church, we can try to fight it out (get our own way), or leave and seek a different church to attend that is more in line with our own person vision of how church should be done. But we are not animals; we have a third option – obedience. Provided that the issue is not one of salvation (ie the church is not doing something contrary to Biblical guidelines), the best response is to set aside our personal preferences and follow the direction the rest of the Elders have charted.

This is not an easy task. And even if we can do this initially, continuing to belong to a church where some things are done contrary to our own personal preference can prevent us from being fully engaged in the mission of the church, leading to frustration and disappointment. In these situations, we need to be praying for God’s help and guidance, and to be open to the possibility that the problem may be with us and we need to change, rather than trying to find a church that suits our personal preferences. I have seen many families move from church to church, trying to find that perfect fit. Even when they find one, that church inevitably changes (as all churches should) and they are off again in search of the perfect church. If we find ourselves (or someone we know) stuck in that pattern, we need to be reminded that this is not what we are called to do. The seeds of dissention, sown by Satan, can sprout into weeds of personal preferences that cloud our vision and prevent us from seeing the True Goal.

If you find yourself thinking you want to leave your church because you don’t like the style of music, or you find the Pastor’s preaching skills just don’t meet your standards, or you just can’t get along with one of the Elders, or you aren’t on board with the direction the church is heading – take some time to reflect on the following: Am I called to be served, or to serve? Is what I want more important than what I need? Have I confused a personal preference with God’s leading? Is it time for me to humbly submit in obedience to the leadership of the church, and accept the problem is with me and not with them? Can I, with God’s help, put past hurts behind me and move forward with the church body to fulfill our mission? What’s really preventing me from supporting the leadership – personal issues or serious theological concerns? Is it better for the church body for me to leave, or to stay?

When the going gets tough, what will you do? Fight? Flight? Or Obey?

Jac

PS to Andre - I personally don’t feel it is appropriate for any leader to submit a letter of resignation – this is essentially a unilateral decision made by one leader regarding a particular situation. A much better approach is to openly discuss the situation with the leaders and reach a mutual agreement on the best course of action, keeping in mind the desire for unity within the membership. A leader could formally request a “release” from their obligations as a leader, but it should be up to the remaining leaders to determine if this is the best solution. When a mutual agreement can’t be reached, the leaders should seek assistance from outside their church, preferably from their denomination or gifted Christian mediators. I would expect that in most circumstances, the preferred solution would be to release the leader from their obligations rather than try to force them to remain in a leadership position knowing they have an irresolvable issue with the direction the church is taking. But every situation is unique. May God help you and your family find your way.